We're all professionals here (1)

I’m presently engaged in what feels like the most protracted job search in the history of Western civilization. Things have degenerated to the point that I actually considered the possibility that another US citizen who shares my name committed some heinous crime involving children and farming equipment two years ago, confessed to said crimes, but was spared the death penalty or jail time due to some arcane legal technicality. And, all the prospective employers who are reading my resume are mistaking me for the degenerate who used harvesting machines on the innocent. Because, let’s be honest: unless you’re playing middle linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens, employers tend to get a little edgy about murder raps.

One of the first rules of resume writing is that you must avoid typographical errors. Hiring managers spout the claim, “I will stop reading a resume or cover letter if I find a single error” the way John Madden offers insights like, “That’s what it’s all about, right there” or the equally thoughtful, “Boom.” The reasoning is as simple as it is compelling. If my cover letter is riddled with errors, it’s likely my work will be conducted in the same mediocre fashion. Unfortunately, the very same hiring managers who stress the importance of correct grammar and spelling rarely subject their own efforts to the same scrutiny they foist on others. Beginning today, in an effort to slowly bleed some of my bitterness, I will be highlighting some of these job listing gems.

Required: BS/MS in Mathematics, Physics or Engineering with 0-5 years of experience using applied mathematics to solve problerms.

Yeah, I think I found your first problerm. Think I know the solution, too. Use a f***ing spell checker.