Catholic roots and party fouls

Once the act of dropping has begun, some items should not be attempted to be retrieved midair. Knives come to mind. Perhaps small pets as well, as they’re probably better off tussling with gravity on their own at that point. To this list I would add beer bottles. But, the instinct to grab, to save, and to preserve is so strong that is simply does not matter. In your infinite lack of wisdom, you’re going to stab stupidly at the air and your beer bottle in some quixotic, doomed effort to prevent the inevitable spillage. Not unlike I did on a recent evening while relaxing on a friend’s couch.

An errant hand gesture, my own in this case, set the events in motion. The bottle fell only about a foot before I batted it toward my left hand with my right before pinning it against the left side of my lower torso. This conveniently, and much to the amusement of my peers, showered my shirt and my right thigh with beer, miraculously sparing every other surface in play, including the couch. Naturally, I apologized to everyone for the incident, prompting Brian to remark, “That was such a Joe party foul. You harmed only yourself, failed to spill a single drop of beer on the host’s property, and then apologized to everyone for the episode.”

And, If you fail to realize why I should apologize after committing an act that yielded no victims (save myself), harmed no property, and generally amused those around me, then you were obviously not raised in a Catholic family.