Pittsburgh Pirates 2009 Season Preview

Give them this much: the Pittsburgh Pirates are consistent. They consistently underspend their competitors. They consistently waste high draft picks. They consistently make poor free agent signings. They consistently get poor value in trades for their few valuable players. They consistently play bad baseball. And, since they do all of these things at such a high level and with a reliability that would make the Maytag repair man green with envy, they consistently lose.

If everything goes according to plan (and don’t delude yourself, to disappoint for this long, there must be a plan), 2009 will mark the 17th consecutive losing season for the Pirates. They currently share the record for most consecutive losing seasons in a North American major professional sport (MLB, NFL, NBA, NHL) with the 1933-1948 Philadelphia Phillies. Perhaps Phillies fans from that time had it worse. After all, in addition to watching their club stagger to losing records year in and year out, they had to claw their way out of the Depression, watch their sons tangle with the Third Reich, and then be witness to the dawn of the nuclear era. Compare this to the current Pirates fan base, who have had to endure the likes of Pat Meares, Derek Bell, and Jimmy Anderson. It’s unclear which fan base has suffered more. Which is why this year is so important for the proud Pirates organization and its few remaining devotees. With another losing season, we can at least claim numerical superiority in the suffering column. In other words, we can finally win something.

Things are looking very promising for another losing season. Let’s break the team down position-by-position:

Starting pitching: Paul Maholm was regarded as the staff ace in 2008, in much the same way that Tom Gorzelanny was the ace in 2007, Ian Snell was the ace in 2006, and Zach Duke was the ace in 2005. Unfortunately, to be a proper ace, one is expected to perform at a high level for a period of several years. Performing at a high level for 1 to 3 months at a time means that you’re a #4 starter, which is essentially what Maholm, Gorzelanny, Duke, and Snell are. Unfortunately, other major league teams have pitchers they can rightly classify as #1 through #3 starters. In what I suspect is a related story, the Pirates staff posted the worst team ERA in the National League last season at 5.08, nearly 0.3 runs per game worse than the next worst team, the Colorado Rockies. As usual, there are a few youngsters who will be competing for a starting rotation spot whom Pirates management claim to be “high on.” Though tempting, I’ll refrain from making a joke about Pirates GM Neil Huntington grinding up and smoking Jeff Karstens, because I really see Huntington as a cocaine sort of guy.

Bullpen: Baseball writers often describe quality bullpens in ways that make them sound more like military reinforcements or structural supports on buildings. They use words like bolster and stabilize, and characterize reliable bullpen arms as modern day minutemen, ready to quell any offensive upswell by the HGH fueled opposition. Pirates fans are more accustomed to hearing their bullpen likened to flammable materials. This year should be no different. Matt Capps, John Grabow, and Tyler Yates will anchor this year’s pen. And, when I say “anchor,” I mean children under the age of 18 should not be allowed to watch the late innings of Pirates’ games.

Catcher: Ryan Doumit looks to build on his quality offensive numbers (.318, 15 HR, 69 RBI) from last season, while hoping to do a better job of staying healthy (only appeared in 116 games). Actually, I assume that’s what he’s hoping for. It’s what I’m hoping for. If nothing else, Doumit provided me with my favorite Pirates offseason quote. When Neal Huntington announced that Doumit had been signed to a long-term deal, he noted that both Doumit and the Pirates had to assume some risk with the contract. In response, Doumit told Karen Price of the Pittsburgh Tribune Review,

I didn’t look at it as a risk... I could see how it could be a risk to them with my injury list, but I didn’t think it was a risk at all for me.

Let me translate that for you:

I’m a competitive guy, and I’d prefer to play. Unfortunately, unless I’m encased in bubble wrap for the rest of eternity, I’m going to spend at least 6 weeks a year on the disabled list, and there’s a chance I’m going to suffer a career-ending injury in the next 18 months. Guaranteed money? Where do I sign?

First base: The Pirates will not have anybody at first base for the first half of the year. After the All-Star break, Adam LaRoche will be the Bucs’ first baseman. Actually, that’s not true. Adam will be there the entire time, it’s just going to seem like he’s not there for the first half of the year.

Middle infield: Really, I’m too lazy to give Freddy Sanchez and Jack Wilson their own entries at second base and shortstop, respectively. Freddy hasn’t been much of an offensive weapon since winning the National League batting title in 2006, and Wilson is a throwback player, in all possible ways. He’s an excellent defensive shortstop who dives for any ball in his zip code, but he’s also a light hitter. While the rest of the league has moved on (or tried to move on) to more complete players like Hanley Ramirez, Jose Reyes, and Jimmy Rollins, the Pirates have been trying to trade Wilson to anyone who will take him. But they won’t take him. It’s almost like the league has evolved to the point that a light-hitting shortstop doesn’t have much value. Wait, I think I’m on to something...

Third base: The Pirates will not have anybody at third base before or after the All-Star break. Actually, that’s not true. Andy LaRoche will be at the hot corner the entire season. It’s just going to seem like no one’s there. (If you’re not familiar with the LaRoche brothers, just think of them like the Giles brothers, only much, much worse.)

Outfield: Expect big years from Jason Bay and Xavier Nady. Sure, Bay can be streaky at times and his outfield range is lackluster, but his numbers will be there at the end of the season. Ditto Nady. Unfortunately, Bay and Nady will be playing for the Red Sox and Yankees, respectively, this season after being dealt prior to the trade deadline in 2008. In return, the Pirates “snagged” the following “major-league ready” outfield talent: Brandon Moss. Nate McLouth hopes to build on his breakout 2008 season, and while I hate to poo on his parade, his numbers following the Bay and Nady deals last year aren’t encouraging. I don’t want to suggest anything too distressing for Pirates fans, but methinks Nate is going to need a little more protection in the lineup if he hopes to repeat his 2008 numbers. Nyjer Morgan and Craig Monroe are also in the mix for outfield spots, but pondering either one getting significant playing time depresses me.

Are we done yet? Thank God. That was unbearable to write. There’s no real sense in providing a final outlook statement, but as this claims to be a season preview, I suppose it’s mandatory. Here’s my version: With a lackluster pitching staff, an inconsistent infield, and a outfield that lost 2 prime performers without getting any major-league help in return, Pirates fans can expect their club’s historic run of poor performance to continue in 2009 and beyond. Perhaps more distressing than the lack of talent at the major league level is the utter dearth of prospects in the farm system. With proper mismanagement, 20 consecutive losing seasons is not out of the question. Let’s put that in perspective. There are Pittsburghers who are legally driving who were not yet born the last time the Pirates posted a winning season. It’s possible that someday there will be Pittsburghers who are of legal drinking age who were not yet born the last time the Pirates posted a winning season. Jesus.

Actually, I think that makes a fine slogan for the 2009 club. “The 2009 Pittsburgh Pirates. Jesus.”