Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Fallacious Slippery Slope of Suckage

Something disappointing happens when people close themselves off to whole pieces of the world. Too frequently, I hear statements that do precisely that: “I hate sports.” “I hate reading.” Or worse, “I hate vegetables.” How could a person hate vegetables? Prepared well, they run the complete gamut of flavors and textures, from sweet to bitter and from silky to crunchy. No matter what your taste buds might find pleasing, there’s a vegetable preparation for you. But there are still those who say “I hate vegetables.”

Yesterday, a friend said “I hate the Olympics.” Certainly, I can understand hating certain things about the Olympics. NBC’s coverage of this year’s games in Vancouver, for instance, might be the worst sports coverage I have ever encountered. NBC bought the exclusive rights to televise all of the events within the United States. Then, they did everything in their power to make sure that people couldn’t watch most of them or that people had already heard the outcome of any given event before the coverage. Whether NBC was busy tape delaying for more than eight hours even in the time zone where the events were happening, having Tom Brokaw waste over an hour of coverage time re-living 9/11, or showing more “personal interest” featurettes about the athletes’ personal lives than footage of those athletes’ actual competitions at the Olypmics, they put forth a world-class effort to make the Olympics seem like they sucked. But as with vegetables, blanket statements are going to far.

Despite NBC’s best efforts, there were some great moments to catch. Norway's Petter Northug blew by Axel Teichmann like he was standing still mere feet before the finish line after having raced more than 30 miles on cross-country skis. Without warning, two South Koreans took each other into the wall in men’s short track, which allowed Apollo Ohno to glide to what looked like the easiest silver medal in the sport’s history. I enjoyed drinking beers at the brewery while watching the vice-skip from Norway in those crazy tri-colored pants knock three opposing stones from the house in a single impossible sixth-end shot. Most of all, there was something jaw-dropping hot about the wicked heli Hannah Kearney let loose off of the second jump during her gold medal run in women’s moguls. So yes, NBC’s coverage was abysmal. Yes, I’m annoyed by all of the rah-rah, U-S-A bullshit. Yes, it aggravates the hell out of me that NBC seems to show every second of the performance of every last figure skater and every last ice dancing pair at the cost of neglecting most of the competition in the other sports. But “I hate the Olympics?” That’s ridiculous. I don’t hate vegetables just because I once took an unfortunate bite of some disgusting canned green beans at the cafeteria in high school.

For me, there’s just no fun in hating everything. NBC’s coverage sucked, but hey, Hannah Kearney is hot. And curling is cool.

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